Verbal Sexual Abuse | How to Recognize + Tips for Survivors

Sexual abuse in all its forms leaves marks on its victims and is any unwanted sexual activity where the perpetrator uses force, makes threats, or takes advantage of someone who can’t consent. This abuse can be physical, emotional, or verbal and leaves deep emotional and psychological scars. Get in touch with us if you or someone you know needs help.

Can Sexual Abuse Be Verbal?

Is verbal sexual abuse a form of sexual misconduct? Verbal sexual abuse is a type of sexual abuse that often goes unnoticed. Its detrimental effects are comparable to other forms of sexual abuse. The primary goal of abuse is to manipulate, dominate, and belittle the victim to undermine their self-esteem and independence. It is crucial to acknowledge, validate, and support the recognition of verbal sexual abuse as a serious problem that requires attention.

What Is Verbal Sexual Abuse?

Verbal sexual abuse includes any of the following: crude comments, gaslighting, sexual innuendos and jokes, insults, and sexual threats. It’s meant to degrade and control the survivor to make them feel powerless and submissive. Learning the subtleties of verbal abuse is key to recognizing these behaviors.

While verbal abuse doesn’t leave marks, the psychological impact is huge. Survivors often feel shame, confusion, and low self-esteem. Recognizing verbal sexual abuse as real and damaging is important to support and validate those affected.

Verbal Abuse vs. Verbal Assault

Verbal sexual abuse involves harmful statements and psychological manipulation, often carried out by someone close to the survivor, such as a family member, classmate, teacher, coach, priest, coworker, boss, or intimate partner. Unlike verbal assault, which can feature explicit threats of harm and cause immediate fear for safety, verbal sexual abuse is typically done over time. This slow, insidious process aims to control the survivor sexually, gradually eroding their autonomy and self-worth.

It’s important to differentiate between these forms of abuse, as many people dismiss verbal abuse as “harmless banter.” Both verbal abuse and verbal assault are forms of non-physical aggression that damage self-esteem and confidence. Recognizing these abusive patterns is crucial in taking steps toward recovery and healing.

What Are Some Examples of Verbal Abuse?

Verbal sexual abuse can take many forms, such as comments that manipulate or diminish someone. These may include remarks about one’s appearance, aggressive sexual comments, or threats to force compliance. Here are some instances to be aware of:

• “Look at what you’re wearing – it’s like you’re asking for it.”
• “If you do not sleep with me, I’ll tell everyone that…”
• “You owe me this after everything I have done for you.”
• “We like each other and don’t meet often, so why are you not putting out?”
• “Nobody else will ever want you as I do.”
• “You’re such a tease; you’ll get a reputation if you don’t give in.”
• “So my feelings don’t matter to you?”
• “You should feel fortunate that I find you attractive all.”
• “If you genuinely cared for me, you’d do this for me.”
• “Everyone else is doing it, so why aren’t you?”

Understanding the context of abuse is crucial. Is the abuser attempting to manipulate? Do you feel uncomfortable or coerced?

Recognizing these examples can help identify and stop behavior.

How to Identify Verbal Abuse

It’s important to notice sure signs that can help survivors of verbal abuse regain their strength and move toward recovery and growth. Here are some key warning signals to watch out for:

• Feeling constantly intimidated or pressured.
• Walking on eggshells around the person.
• You hide their sexual comments or activities from other people, particularly your therapist, doctor, or loved ones.
• Experiencing a sense of fear or unease when interacting with the individual.
• Feeling emotional. Being down or in distress after talking to them.
• Noticing a drop in your self-confidence and self-value.
• Being isolated from friends and family due to the influence of the abuser.
• Questioning your perceptions and mental well-being.

Verbal sexual abuse can have consequences such as depression, anxiety, low self-worth, poor self-esteem, eating disorders, and other mental health challenges. Children are especially vulnerable to this risk due to their inherent defenselessness and developing sense of self. Recognizing these signs is crucial for taking action to break free from the cycle of abuse and start a journey toward healing and empowerment.

What to Do if You Are Experiencing Verbal Sexual Abuse

Take the courage to speak out, whether it’s to trusted friends or professionals who work with survivors. Remember, it’s crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Seeking support from loved ones, mental health specialists, or support groups can provide a lifeline, validating your experiences and helping you navigate the complexities of your emotions. These resources offer crucial protection and empowerment.

Equally important is documenting incidents in a journal or digital record, detailing specific encounters and their impact on your mental health. This can be valuable evidence if you pursue legal action or professional help later.

Finally, be gentle with yourself and remember that healing takes time. Support systems and professional guidance can help you reclaim your strength, address your trauma, and affirm your right to live without fear. StrongerThan offers resources and support to help you understand your situation better, empowering you on your journey to recovery.

Can You Sue for Verbal Sexual Abuse?

You might wonder if it’s possible to sue for verbal sexual abuse. The answer is nuanced: while it can be challenging to prove verbal sexual abuse, it’s not impossible. Legal advisors suggest meticulously documenting every instance, including recording dates, times, and specific details of the abusive comments.

However, damages for verbal sexual abuse are challenging to substantiate. Most lawsuits in this realm are typically filed in the context of workplace sexual harassment.

Consulting with a sexual abuse attorney can provide clarity on whether you have a viable case. They can guide you through the legal labyrinth, ensuring your rights are protected and your voice is heard.

Verbal Sexual Abuse Myths and Facts

Verbal sexual abuse myths perpetuate misunderstandings, making it crucial to distinguish facts from fiction. Through dispelling these myths, survivors gain a clearer perspective, validating their experiences as a genuine form of exploitation. Recognizing and challenging these myths can foster a more supportive environment free from misconceptions.

Myth #1: Verbal Sexual Abuse Is Just Banter; It’s Not a Big Deal

Fact #1: Contrary to what some might believe, verbal sexual abuse is far from harmless banter. In reality, it is a severe form of emotional and psychological aggression that can inflict long-lasting trauma.

Dismissing it as a simple jest minimizes the survivor’s lived experience. Survivors often feel belittled and disempowered, suffering from deep emotional scars. These callous comments can undermine their self-esteem and mental well-being, reflecting society’s failure to recognize verbal abuse’s severe impact.

Individuals exposed to repeated verbal sexual abuse may develop anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth, making it vital to address the behavior comprehensively and empathetically. Thus, the myth that it’s “just banter” does significant harm. Understanding its actual effects helps validate survivors’ experiences.

Myth #2: The Survivor Must Have Done Something to Provoke the Sexual Comments

Fact #2: The notion that survivors provoke sexual comments is both harmful and untrue:

1. “Perpetrators are responsible for their actions” – Irrespective of the survivor’s appearance or behavior, the abuser chooses to engage in verbal sexual abuse.
2. “Many survivors report feeling powerless and unable to stop the abuse” – Fear and intimidation often prevent them from challenging the abuser.
3. “Abuse occurs in various contexts” – It can happen no matter what the survivor is wearing, saying, or doing, reinforcing that it is never their fault.

This myth fosters blame towards the survivor, which can compound their trauma. Recognizing the fallacy of this myth is crucial for supporting survivors and holding abusers accountable.

Myth #3: If the Survivor Didn’t Like It, They Would Have Said Something

Fact #3: The belief that a survivor should have said something if they didn’t like the abuse shows a fundamental misunderstanding of power dynamics and human psychology. Survivors often face overwhelming feelings of fear, shame, and helplessness, making it extraordinarily difficult to speak out. Verbal sexual abuse, mainly when inflicted by someone in a position of authority or trust, can create an environment where the survivor feels unsafe to express their discomfort. They may fear retaliation, disbelief, or further abuse, which silences their protest.

Additionally, many survivors experience a psychological freeze response during abusive encounters. In moments of shock or distress, the brain’s natural response can make it hard for them to react vocally. This survival mechanism does not reflect their consent or comfort but rather a physiological reaction to extreme stress.

It’s essential to understand that silence does not equal consent. Survivors deserve to be heard and believed without the expectation that they should have vocally resisted or reported their abuse at the time it occurred. Increased awareness, empathy, and support from others are vital in helping survivors find their voice and begin their healing journey.

Myth #4: If the Survivor Didn’t Want to Attract Attention, They Wouldn’t Smoke/Drink/Party/Dress that Way

Fact #4: This harmful myth grossly misrepresents the nature of verbal sexual abuse and shifts blame to the survivor. Survivors have the right to engage in social activities without being subjected to abuse.

Smoking, drinking, or dressing a certain way is not an invitation for mistreatment. Each individual has autonomy over their personal choices and style, none of which justify or provoke abusive behavior.

Verbal sexual abuse stems from the abuser’s intent to demean and control, not from the survivor’s actions or appearance. It is a manifestation of power dynamics where the abuser projects blame to deflect responsibility.

The perpetrator’s behavior is inexcusable no matter the context, and it is crucial to dismantle such myths. By understanding that survivors are unjustly blamed for their abuse, society can foster a more empathetic and supportive environment for those affected.

Do You Suspect Verbal Sexual Abuse? Learn How StrongerThan Can Help

If you suspect that you or someone you know is facing abuse, StrongerThan is available to help. They provide resources and assistance to empower survivors and guide them toward healing.

StrongerThan offers legal support tailored to each survivor’s needs, including emotional and health assistance, practical guidance, and a supportive community that understands their journey. Their website is a source of information, with articles, expert tips, and stories of resilience from survivors.

Reaching out to StrongerThan can be the first step in regaining your peace of mind and self-respect. Remember that you are not alone. Whether you need advice, encouragement, or someone to listen to, StrongerThan is there to assist you on your journey toward recovery and empowerment.